For the last six plus years I have been going to this great church in Charlotte. There is nothing grand about the structure, we started in a gym and we still meet in a gym, although a nicer one now. Our pastors don't have huge followings on Twitter or are asked to headline the national day of prayer breakfast, but they do attempt to shepherd us by the grace of God. We don't have famous people that attend, drawing huge crowds; we are just a small group of sinners that have come together to worship the One who is transforming our lives. So what is so great about this small little church called Hope Community Church? Well the name states it all. It is a community that offers Hope when the world and life disappoint and fail us.
I was at a birthday party last night for a sweet friend, Jen, celebrating her life and the new chapter she is entering. We were standing at the bar when she leaned over to tell me about how her husband was asked to fix the light of another friend. Damon, her husband, fixed the light in the kitchen where I live a few weeks ago, free of charge. When my roommate asked about compensation, both him and Jen said don't worry about it, he was happy to help. My roommate couldn't understand it. In the two and a half years we have lived together, she still doesn't get how people could care for others without wanting any compensation in return. She questions me every time I make dinner for the family of a newborn or why I make it a priority to go to community group. She didn't get why they helped me get a car or why a friend would give up their day to sit with someone at the hospital after an accident. It is because of community. It is taking the picture of the first century Church and bringing it to the twenty-first century life. It is using the gifts that God has graced us with to bless those around us. It is getting into the messy areas and walking with the person instead of running away from the hard issues. It is living life together, warts and all.
I love the fact that my community isn't perfect, but it is grace-centered. I love that my community is loving, but trying to gracefully bring Truth to each others' lives, so that we can grow in Christ. I love that my community is depending on Jesus to change them because it allows me to fail without the judgment of being a failure, but the freedom to keep going on my journey with them helping me through the messy patches. I love that we are come as you are and we rarely start on time because it allows you to come real, emotional, raw, to receive God's soothing balm in our wounds. I love that my community is involved in my life because it means I have people to look to for wisdom, strength, prayer, hope, and anything I may need when the world is grim around me. But my favorite part about being in each others' lives is the ability to use our gifts in each others' lives. If I have a medical question, I ask the doctor in our community and barter something I am good at, like babysitting, if I need more than just a consult. My financial counselor is in my community, so if something were to happen to halt my cash flow, he can help me reach out and get assistance. My hair stylist is in my community, the same one whose husband fixed my light.
Being a part of community helps you through the valleys and celebrates the mountaintops with you. A great example is how my community met me in the last 3 years, when my world was turned upside down. They stepped up with a place to stay, gave me emotional support, offer odd jobs to provide an income, and just loved me through the mess. Now as I get ready to turn the page to a new chapter, they are there, offering guidance, cheering me on, even helping turn the page. The community of sinners becoming saints is God's hands and feet as we navigate this crazy fallen world, looking to our Guide, and I am privilege to be a part of a small chasm of His community here at Hope.
July 12, 2010
June 26, 2010
Through the fire
I was having dinner with a sweet friend the other night. She is one of those people that when you are around her, Jesus becomes the topic of conversation. Maybe it is because she has gone through a lot in the last year or maybe she just loves Jesus in a way that is special. Either way, we were having dinner and we started talking about Jesus and what has been happening at our church. We both feel super blessed to be a part of the community of believers that exemplify God's grace and love, especially when we go through trials, like many of my brothers and sisters are going through right now with sickness, joblessness, financial woes, and broken relationships. We also understand that trials come, not only from seeing what was happening with our church, but also from our own lives and the trials we each have faced in the recent years.
I heard somewhere that if our lives were easy, we would never need to grow. I truly believe that, just reflecting on the fact that I have grown more in the last three years because of a hard time than when I was going through easy times. We can't be refine if we don't go through the fires of life. As we continued talking, this thought came to mind, the fact that we are refined by fire, there was another story in the Bible about fire. However, this fire was an actual fire that was meant to destroy and not refine, a means of death and not of life. It is the fire that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown into by Nebuchadnezzar for their refusal to worship him. However, these three men were not destroy, but rather saved from it and are revealed to be in the fire with a fourth person, the preincarnate version of Jesus, about 700 some years before He entered the world. I sat for a second and made this connection: We will never go through the fire alone. Just like the three men in Daniel, someone is in the fire with us, not allowing it to consume us, but used for the Glory of God to make His name known. How sweet is it to know that we never take the road of trials alone, even when it feels that way.
We continued dinner and this same friend made the comment that I was wise. I don't know about that, I feel I have just been through a lot of fires that have taught me and changed me into something new. I am not wise, I just know this simple truth that most 3 year olds can sing: Jesus loves me, this I know. So next time I am in the fire, I will sing Jesus loves me and know He is there in the flames with me, teaching me until I am more than I was before. There will come a day when the fire is gone, but until that day, to sweet Jesus I will cling in the flames, in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the calm, until I am becoming more like the one who guards me from the fire. Praise God for the fires!
I heard somewhere that if our lives were easy, we would never need to grow. I truly believe that, just reflecting on the fact that I have grown more in the last three years because of a hard time than when I was going through easy times. We can't be refine if we don't go through the fires of life. As we continued talking, this thought came to mind, the fact that we are refined by fire, there was another story in the Bible about fire. However, this fire was an actual fire that was meant to destroy and not refine, a means of death and not of life. It is the fire that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown into by Nebuchadnezzar for their refusal to worship him. However, these three men were not destroy, but rather saved from it and are revealed to be in the fire with a fourth person, the preincarnate version of Jesus, about 700 some years before He entered the world. I sat for a second and made this connection: We will never go through the fire alone. Just like the three men in Daniel, someone is in the fire with us, not allowing it to consume us, but used for the Glory of God to make His name known. How sweet is it to know that we never take the road of trials alone, even when it feels that way.
We continued dinner and this same friend made the comment that I was wise. I don't know about that, I feel I have just been through a lot of fires that have taught me and changed me into something new. I am not wise, I just know this simple truth that most 3 year olds can sing: Jesus loves me, this I know. So next time I am in the fire, I will sing Jesus loves me and know He is there in the flames with me, teaching me until I am more than I was before. There will come a day when the fire is gone, but until that day, to sweet Jesus I will cling in the flames, in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the calm, until I am becoming more like the one who guards me from the fire. Praise God for the fires!
June 24, 2010
The Big C
So it has been a while since I let the cathartic power of writing be unleashed, but that has not stopped the messiness of life from being ever present. I just found other ways of dealing with the mess, like crying, screaming, driving, etc. But this is the the only way I can articulate what and how I am feeling with the mess.
Speaking of mess, I found out a few weeks ago, that my church has been rocked hard with cancer. And I mean ROCKED HARD!!! This isn't an isolated incident or a something I can brush off because it is affected someone I don't know. We had multiple women find out that cancer was a part of their journey. No, these cancers are invading my sweet sisters' bodies and causing too much mayhem! I know I live in a fallen world and that with the Fall of Adam and the entering of Sin into the world, sickness came, too. But seriously Cancer, WTF!! I know it is not politically correct or even helpful to say, but that is what I am feeling. Maybe it is because I already walked with Cancer in my life and lost a loved one along the way, but Cancer is one of those things that I wished didn't exist, right along with peas, stir-up pants, and heavy metal music.
However, it does exist and it destroys. It destroys bodies, future plans, day-to-day order, and relationships. That last one is the hardest, for a disease to destroy relationships, but it happens and that is the devastating part. Walking with Cancer, your relationships are put to the test. First, do you run or as a friend's daughter's onesie said, "Fight like a Girl". If the relationship is important, then I hope I would fight with everything I have in me. Then, after sticking it out, the relationship is strained with doing and saying the right thing, that it makes running easier. However, it is not what you say or do, you are there with them in the fight. And the best thing you can do is PRAY! Pray hard, pray deep, pray until the words stop coming, then pray more with your heart's words. Pray until you weep, until you laugh, until you can't go on, then pray more! And while I pray that God will heal my sisters' cancers, I pray more that He will be known through these trials, that these women will feel Him so close, they can't run anywhere but to His scarred hands for peace and rest.
So I decided to stay and fight, and I am praying for those with cancer, but those aren't only the relationships that can be destroyed. While walking through cancer previously, my relationship with my family became so strained, that it fracture some relationships beyond repair. It came from thinking that what someone was doing or saying was not helpful, or that the person didn't care, or just the emotional strain of cancer and saying things one didn't mean. I pray against that for my dear lovelies, that their relationships will be strengthened against Satan and his use of this trial to build a stronghold. Oh, how Satan loves to use our frailty to destroy more of us. I pray that God will reinforce bonds and that while my girls fight against this invader, we fight against Satan's attacks to destroy their support system.
So, with all that being said, I detest Cancer with the passion of a thousand whales. But I know that it happens and all that it brings with it. I pray that healing happens, but I pray more that God be glorified in the sadness and devastation of cancer. And I am ready to fight like a girl, are you?
Speaking of mess, I found out a few weeks ago, that my church has been rocked hard with cancer. And I mean ROCKED HARD!!! This isn't an isolated incident or a something I can brush off because it is affected someone I don't know. We had multiple women find out that cancer was a part of their journey. No, these cancers are invading my sweet sisters' bodies and causing too much mayhem! I know I live in a fallen world and that with the Fall of Adam and the entering of Sin into the world, sickness came, too. But seriously Cancer, WTF!! I know it is not politically correct or even helpful to say, but that is what I am feeling. Maybe it is because I already walked with Cancer in my life and lost a loved one along the way, but Cancer is one of those things that I wished didn't exist, right along with peas, stir-up pants, and heavy metal music.
However, it does exist and it destroys. It destroys bodies, future plans, day-to-day order, and relationships. That last one is the hardest, for a disease to destroy relationships, but it happens and that is the devastating part. Walking with Cancer, your relationships are put to the test. First, do you run or as a friend's daughter's onesie said, "Fight like a Girl". If the relationship is important, then I hope I would fight with everything I have in me. Then, after sticking it out, the relationship is strained with doing and saying the right thing, that it makes running easier. However, it is not what you say or do, you are there with them in the fight. And the best thing you can do is PRAY! Pray hard, pray deep, pray until the words stop coming, then pray more with your heart's words. Pray until you weep, until you laugh, until you can't go on, then pray more! And while I pray that God will heal my sisters' cancers, I pray more that He will be known through these trials, that these women will feel Him so close, they can't run anywhere but to His scarred hands for peace and rest.
So I decided to stay and fight, and I am praying for those with cancer, but those aren't only the relationships that can be destroyed. While walking through cancer previously, my relationship with my family became so strained, that it fracture some relationships beyond repair. It came from thinking that what someone was doing or saying was not helpful, or that the person didn't care, or just the emotional strain of cancer and saying things one didn't mean. I pray against that for my dear lovelies, that their relationships will be strengthened against Satan and his use of this trial to build a stronghold. Oh, how Satan loves to use our frailty to destroy more of us. I pray that God will reinforce bonds and that while my girls fight against this invader, we fight against Satan's attacks to destroy their support system.
So, with all that being said, I detest Cancer with the passion of a thousand whales. But I know that it happens and all that it brings with it. I pray that healing happens, but I pray more that God be glorified in the sadness and devastation of cancer. And I am ready to fight like a girl, are you?
February 10, 2010
I'm a M.I.T.
You are probably wondering what a M.I.T. is. It is my acroynm for Mommy-in-Training. For the record, I am not ready to be a mommy in any way, shape, or form. I can barely care for myself, let alone a small child's needs. But it is a dream of mine to be a mommy some day. So tonight will I was at my weekly training session (a group of families I babysit for), I was talking with a sweet little three year old girl, Hannah, about what she wanted to be when she got bigger. She said, "a mommy", to which I replied, "Me too". She then exclaimed, "You are bigger!" I told her that while I didn't have real babies of my own, I had practice babies to which she asked what those were. I explained they are children that I can take care of and give back to their mommies when the night is over. It is someone that I get to choose to give extra love to, kids who get special places in my heart.
After thinking about that explanation, a memory came to mind. My grandma used to tell me when I was angry with a family member, that I had to love them, I had no choice, they were family and that is just the way it was. I always thought this was unfair. Shouldn't I be allowed to choose who I love and when? No, she said, love is something you can't control and pass out like rations to those around you. It is something that needs to be given all the time for others to grow. She told me to think of it like sunlight for plants. Without sunlight, plants die and likewise, without love, people's souls wither away. But what I think she failed to mention was that as much as we need to give love away for others, we need to give love away for our own souls as well. It is the thing that stretches our hearts to a capacity bigger than we thought we ever could. It allows us to be human in a world that is trying to tell us that feelings are a weakness. Love gives us the opportunity to transcend barriers and change another person forever.
So that is what I hope to do with my practice babies, change their lives as I am part of the nurturing process of their souls.
I finished the conversation with asking Hannah, "Who do you think my practice babies are?" She quickly pointed out the two youngest boys in the room, "Well Dexter and Bennett because they are babies." Duh, of course she would think that. So I asked, "Well, aren't you one of my practice babies?" She stated with a stomp, "No, Nikki, I am a big girl." That she is, one of my practice big girls whom I love dearly.
After thinking about that explanation, a memory came to mind. My grandma used to tell me when I was angry with a family member, that I had to love them, I had no choice, they were family and that is just the way it was. I always thought this was unfair. Shouldn't I be allowed to choose who I love and when? No, she said, love is something you can't control and pass out like rations to those around you. It is something that needs to be given all the time for others to grow. She told me to think of it like sunlight for plants. Without sunlight, plants die and likewise, without love, people's souls wither away. But what I think she failed to mention was that as much as we need to give love away for others, we need to give love away for our own souls as well. It is the thing that stretches our hearts to a capacity bigger than we thought we ever could. It allows us to be human in a world that is trying to tell us that feelings are a weakness. Love gives us the opportunity to transcend barriers and change another person forever.
So that is what I hope to do with my practice babies, change their lives as I am part of the nurturing process of their souls.
I finished the conversation with asking Hannah, "Who do you think my practice babies are?" She quickly pointed out the two youngest boys in the room, "Well Dexter and Bennett because they are babies." Duh, of course she would think that. So I asked, "Well, aren't you one of my practice babies?" She stated with a stomp, "No, Nikki, I am a big girl." That she is, one of my practice big girls whom I love dearly.
February 9, 2010
Why start blogging?
I always love reading the blogs of other people. Some are to catch up on friends near and far, others are for personal amusement, i.e. Peopleofwalmart.com. Some are so wonderful that they have even made it into my daily routine. But I never thought my life was interesting enough to blog about. I don't take amazing photos, bake exquisite cakes, make beautiful stationary, or have big philosophical insights, like some of my friends do. I spend my time in a lab with tubes or being slain by knights and chasing princesses before putting them to bed for their parents. So why start this blogging thing? Well, I realized that in my daily life there are moments where God shows up, where normal doesn't always happens, and where those around me say or do things that knock me off my feet. So that's why I started. To share with those near and far, these ordinary miracles of life and nuggets of goodness. To give a glimpse into a life that is messy and complicated, but at the same time full of love and laughter ripping at the seams. So I hope you find these little musings a glimpse into the craziness that continually shape the path I am on!
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